Glossary

Traumatic events in childhood (like abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction) that can seriously impact a person’s mental and physical health later in life.

Antagonistic abuse is a pattern of manipulative and controlling behavior characterized by aggression, belittling, and tactics designed to undermine, control, or harm another person. It is a form of abuse that creates a power imbalance and often involves psychological harm through actions like constant criticism, gaslighting, and isolation. While sometimes linked to conditions like antagonistic narcissism, it can occur in various relationships, from romantic partnerships to workplaces, and leaves the victim feeling helpless, confused, and devalued. 

Common behaviors of antagonistic abuse:

• Constant criticism: Frequently belittling, criticizing, or demeaning a person's character, intelligence, or appearance. 

• Gaslighting: Manipulating a person into doubting their own perceptions, memory, or sanity by denying things they said or did. 

• Manipulation and control: Using guilt, emotional withholding, or other tactics to control a person's behavior, relationships, or freedom. 

• Isolation: Deliberately cutting the victim off from friends, family, and other support systems. 

• DARVO: A tactic where the abuser "Denies" their actions, "Attacks" the victim, and "Reverses" the victim and offender roles to make the victim feel responsible for the abuse. 

Antagonistic narcissists are a subtype of narcissism known for being aggressive, competitive, and hostile, viewing life as a constant battle to win at others' expense. They are manipulative and may derive satisfaction from causing others discomfort, and their behavior can include emotional or physical abuse, belittling, bullying, and a lack of empathy and forgiveness. This type of narcissism is characterized by an excessive need for dominance and control, which can damage relationships and create toxic environments

When a victim of abuse is pressured to give up safety, justice, or wellbeing in exchange for family “stability” or to keep the peace, often by institutions or systems meant to protect them.

Small, inconsistent signs of affection or attention given just enough to keep someone hooked and hopeful, often used in manipulative relationships.

A lethal form of physical abuse where the abuser restricts the victim’s airflow, sometimes called strangulation. It’s a red flag for escalating violence and lethality.

Kids who witness or are impacted by domestic violence. Even if not directly harmed, they are still victims and carry long-term emotional scars.

A pattern of domination through manipulation, intimidation, isolation, and control that chips away at a person’s independence and sense of self.

Harassment, threats, surveillance, or control carried out through technology—texts, social media, GPS tracking, etc.

A manipulative tactic where abusers deny their actions, attack the victim, and flip the story to make themselves the victim. It is used to evade accountability, standing for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. The individual or institution denies wrongdoing, attacks the person confronting them, and then flips the situation to portray themselves as the victim and the true victim as the perpetrator. This strategy is commonly seen in cases of abuse, particularly sexual abuse, and can also occur in legal and interpersonal conflicts, such as high-conflict divorces. 

The four steps of DARVO

• Deny: The person refuses to accept responsibility for their actions. 

• Attack: They attack the credibility or character of the person who has accused them. 

• Reverse Victim and Offender: They shift the focus to portray themselves as the injured party, while casting the accuser as the aggressor. 

Why it is harmful

• DARVO can make survivors doubt their own reality, memory, and sanity. 

• It can be extremely damaging to survivors, as it can prevent them from getting justice and lead to further trauma. 

• It is an abuse of power that can be used to protect the abuser from facing the consequences of their actions. 

A psychological strategy and defense mechanism where an individual avoids taking responsibility by shifting blame to another person, often to protect their self-image. 

A pattern of abusive behavior in a relationship used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.

A double bind is a psychological predicament where a person receives conflicting messages that allow for no appropriate response, creating a "lose-lose" situation. This concept, first introduced by Gregory Bateson, can be found in family dynamics and other relationships, leading to confusion, mistrust, and potential psychological issues. Overcoming a double bind often involves developing communication skills, rebuilding self-trust, and setting clear boundaries.  

Characteristics of a double bind

• Conflicting messages: A person receives two or more contradictory messages from the same source. 

• No escape: Any response the person makes is "wrong," as it can be interpreted negatively or is still subject to the conflicting demands. 

• Power imbalance: The situation often involves a power dynamic where one person's contradictory messages are imposed on another, who has no way to challenge them effectively. 

Examples of double binds

• A mother tells her child "I love you," but turns away in disgust, leaving the child unsure how to respond. 

• A brother tells his sister "I'll always have your back," but then tattles on her to a parent every chance he gets. 

Any form of abuse (physical, emotional, financial, etc.) targeted at an older person, often by someone they trust or rely on.

Using words or actions to manipulate, belittle, shame, or control someone, undermining their sense of worth and stability.

When abusive behaviors increase in frequency or severity over time, often leading to more dangerous or lethal outcomes.

The fawning trauma response is a coping mechanism that involves excessive people-pleasing, submissiveness, and appeasement in response to perceived threats or danger. It is one of the four main trauma responses, along with fight, flight, and freeze. 

Fawning typically develops as a protective response to chronic or severe trauma, such as abuse, neglect, or abandonment. It may also occur in individuals who have experienced interpersonal conflict or betrayal. 

Characteristics: Individuals exhibiting the fawning response may display the following behaviors: 

• Excessive agreeableness and difficulty saying no

• Prioritizing others' needs over their own

• Avoiding conflict at all costs

• Feeling responsible for others' emotions

• Apologizing excessively

• Hypervigilance to potential threats

• Difficulty expressing their own feelings and needs

• Feeling disconnected from themselves

Controlling a person’s access to money, employment, or financial decision-making to keep them dependent and powerless.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which someone distorts facts, denies reality, or twists information to make another person doubt their own perceptions, memory, or judgment—ultimately gaining control and undermining the victim’s confidence.

Self-gaslighting is where you make yourself question your own reality, feelings, and perceptions, often as a result of internalized doubt, past trauma, or abuse. It manifests as minimizing your feelings, second-guessing yourself, or taking blame for things that aren't your fault.

Gray rocking is a technique used to protect yourself from manipulative or toxic people by responding in a dull, unemotional, and uninteresting way—like a “gray rock.” The goal is to make yourself unengaging so the manipulator loses interest and has less power over you.

The calculated process of gaining a victim’s trust (or the trust of those around them) to later exploit, abuse, or control them.

A psychological measure of someone’s belief in their ability to shape a better future. Often low in survivors, but rebuildable.

Abuse or aggression in a romantic relationship. It includes physical, sexual, emotional, financial, or psychological harm.

A tactic where the abuser cuts the victim off from support systems—family, friends, work—to gain more control.

Abusers often try to excuse their behavior, often through blaming the survivor or refusing to take any accountability. For example, an abuser attempts to justify his abuse by claiming he's only violent because she's always yelling at him.

Over-the-top affection, gifts, and attention used to quickly win trust and attachment before abuse begins.

A person (like a teacher, doctor, or social worker) legally required to report suspected abuse or neglect.

Mania can be linked to trauma as a complex response where childhood abuse is associated with more severe and different manic symptoms in some individuals, particularly in the context of bipolar disorder. Trauma can also trigger a "hyper-energized" state that may appear manic but is driven by anxiety, a symptom that can occur with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). This trauma-related "mania" may differ from typical presentations, with a focus on racing thoughts rather than grandiosity. 

How trauma can influence manic symptoms

• Altered symptom networks: Childhood abuse can change the typical pattern of manic symptoms. While grandiosity and elevated mood are common in mania without a history of abuse, a history of abuse is linked to racing thoughts being a more central manic symptom

• Increased severity: A history of childhood trauma is linked to an increased number of manic episodes and more severe symptoms in individuals with bipolar disorder. 

• Anxiety-driven "hyper-arousal": Trauma can lead to a state of heightened anxiety and "hyper-energization" that can mimic mania but is not accompanied by the typical euphoric or grandiose beliefs. This state is often a symptom of PTSD.

• Comorbid conditions:

  Trauma, especially when it results in PTSD, can accelerate the course of bipolar disorder and lead to greater functional impairment. 

Manipulation is the act of influencing someone's behavior or decisions through underhanded or deceptive tactics to further one's own interests, often at the other's expense. It can take many forms, such as psychological, emotional, or social manipulation, and different tactics are used, like charm, coercion, or the silent treatment. 

Manipulation trauma is psychological trauma resulting from long-term exposure to psychological and emotional manipulation, which can cause a person to experience anxiety, depression, low self-worth, and difficulty trusting others. This type of trauma is often associated with coercive control in relationships, which can lead to conditions like complex trauma (C-PTSD) due to the prolonged nature of the abuse. Symptoms can include a constant sense of being under attack, leading to a "fawning" response, where the victim tries to appease the abuser to avoid conflict. 

A personality pattern marked by entitlement, lack of empathy, and a need for control and admiration—often present in abusive partners.

A mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. People with NPD often exaggerate achievements, expect special treatment, and struggle with criticism, while their self-esteem can be fragile and dependent on external validation. This pattern of thinking and behavior can cause difficulties in relationships, work, and daily functioning.

Narcissism is a personality trait that exists on a spectrum, while Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a rigid, diagnosable condition where grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy cause lasting problems in relationships and daily life.

Failing to meet someone’s basic emotional or physical needs, often invisible but deeply damaging over time.

When one parent manipulates a child into rejecting or fearing the other parent, often used as a weapon in custody battles.

The person who commits abuse or violence against another. Also known as the abuser.

Any intentional act causing injury or harm to another person—hitting, slapping, choking, etc.

Experiencing multiple types of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, etc.) either at once or over time.

The continued abuse that happens after a victim leaves—stalking, harassment, legal battles, or using kids as weapons.

The underlying goal of all abuse: to dominate the victim and strip them of autonomy.

A legal order intended to keep an abuser away from the victim, their home, work, or children.

The parent who actively works to shield their child from abuse, often while being targeted themselves.

A mental health condition triggered by trauma—flashbacks, anxiety, hypervigilance, and emotional numbness.

Any sexual contact or behavior without full, informed, and voluntary consent.

Using religion or spiritual beliefs to manipulate, shame, or control someone—often disguised as moral or righteous behavior.

Repeated, unwanted attention that causes fear—following, messaging, surveillance, or showing up uninvited.

Stonewalling: Is a general refusal to communicate or cooperate and is sometimes accompanied by the “silent treatment”. The act of stonewalling is emotionally exhausting for the victim, as they are the ones left to do all the work (emotionally or physically).

A repeated pattern in abusive relationships: tension builds, abuse occurs, apologies or love bombing follow, and the cycle restarts.

Patterns of manipulation, control, disrespect, or harm that damage relationships and emotional wellbeing.

The overall impact of destructive behaviors or environments that wear down safety, trust, and health over time.

Trauma bonding is an unhealthy emotional attachment that forms between a victim and an abuser, fueled by cycles of abuse and intermittent rewards. The abuser’s alternating cruelty and affection create confusion, dependency, and a powerful bond that makes it difficult for the victim to leave the toxic relationship.

A manipulative communication pattern where one person avoids direct interaction and uses a third party as a go-between. It can create conflict, confusion, and control, often used by those with narcissistic traits to boost self-esteem, devalue others, and keep rivals off balance. In relationships, it may involve parents criticizing each other through a child, asking them to take sides, or relaying negative messages. Overall, triangulation exploits indirect communication to maintain power over others.

The use of words to threaten, insult, degrade, or manipulate someone. It leaves no bruises but cuts deep.